Who’s having this baby?
March 10, 2009 by Monica
Filed under Childbirth
The Benefits of Planning for an Unassisted Birth
Guest Post by Emma Okada, Stay at home mother of a baby and a 4 year old
I remember hearing about a breech birth which ended in a baby being brain-damaged. The mother decided to try to give birth naturally in hospital, but an obstetrician would not let her birth the baby in peace and insisted on coaching her. She told her to push for very long periods, before the mother was ready to push resulting in lack of oxygen to the baby. The birth ended in a forceps delivery. The midwife was extremely rude to the mother throughout the terrible experience.
Another friend friend of mine described to me how she had nightmares following the birth of her first child because of the terrible treatment she underwent in hospital during labour. She was left alone for very long periods of time and her midwife was also dismissive of her needs.
I gave birth to both my children at home. When my son was born I waited for the midwife to arrive- not an easy thing, down on all fours with the power of Mother Nature in your body, ready to expel a baby quite ripe for meeting the world. I believed I needed her “just in case”.
Looking back I understand how my thinking has altered. I used to think that medical experts were responsible for my health, for my children’s health and obviously for the healthy (or otherwise) outcome of the birth of my child- the current blame and sue culture of Western countries.
Nowadays I see quite clearly the, sometimes uncomfortable, reality which is that all those responsibilities ultimately lie with me. I read “Unassisted Birth” by Laura Shanley, “The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth” by Laurie A. Morgan and joined an Unassisted Birth Yahoo group. It began to sink in that the outcome of my births was created by my body and my baby. A successful birth requires a mother willing to surrender to the power of birth with belief first in her own body.
I see that it is crucial to be able to choose your own birth attendants and if not (as in England with the NHS midwives) to have the clarity to ask a midwife to leave if necessary. To have a full picture of what can happen in births and what is needed to remedy difficult situations- including when you may need to transfer to hospital- is important to all pregnant women, because most Unassisted Births in the Western world are not planned. Situations such as haemorrhage after birth, the placenta not coming away, the cord wrapped around the baby’s neck.
Nowadays it seems odd to me how I viewed my body and my baby as a separate entity to me. I think I may have even asked the midwife for permission to touch my baby- I certainly thanked her endlessly, although she did nothing apart from turn up to my house and be pretty rude to me (she had no experience of homebirth). Learning how to feel myself for dilation was a revelation (and in fact quite unnecessary, since a mother knows when she is ready to push)!
There is no need to be frightened by this knowledge. If my friend had known and had the confidence in her own body to dismiss that midwife and let her baby birth the way it needed to, the outcome would surely have been different. If my other friend had known how to relish being left in peace to birth her baby she would never have felt so petrified and abandoned.
As for me, when my second baby was born I called the midwife- she was very nice and I do not imagine I shall actually undertake an Unassisted Birth since my husband does not want to be alone with me (he does not like blood) and I need someone with me some of the time- I love cuddles during birth.
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Hi there,
I liked reading your thoughts. I don’t however exactly understand how pushing before the urge to do so ’caused the baby brain damage. Was this a homebirth? I think many would say it was because a c-section wasn’t done.
Anyway, I have had 4 uc’s, even though my husband complained of the blood before our first homebirth. He was freaked out by the idea of touching the baby. He was so afraid we ended up calling the midwife. Funny thing is, for months I thought that the midwife directed his hands to catch our son. While telling our birth story to a friend my husband interrupted and corrected me. He saw our son crowning and he just reached out and caught him. He didn’t think about the blood or anything, just his baby.
But I never could get him to dress in shorts during our labors. He never wanted to get my fluids on him!! (ridiculous!) How funny. Since I desired for him to be more “one” with me than pants and shoes allow, I really had to forgive him through the power of Jesus Christ, because it really bothered me. But I knew that God would want me to forgive my husband and to accept what he was willing to do during our births. Some times I really had to rely solely on God, and other times my husband has been totally there for me. I forgive him for what he couldn’t give me, and I love him for all that he has given me of himself during our 7 births.
God bless you,
Susana
p.s I am linking to your post from by blog
http://spiritledbirth.blogspot.com
Emma, thanks for sharing your views.
I gave birth in a hospital, and that was another nightmare-like story to the list.
However, I still believe that hospital births might be the best option for some families. The point is that hospitals don’t need to be so cold, and midwives and doctors need to aim to a home-like childbirth.
As an unschooler I’ve learnt that there’re many ways of learning that fit different families in different situations, and in some cases unschooling could even include attending school (take it as another experience but not the only means of acquiring knowledge).
In the same way, I see natural responsible childbirth could include relying completely on your instincts, calling a midwife and listen to her suggestions, or even planning a hospital birth.
When I gave birth I was single mama living abroad and had a health condition that scared me. So the only option I considered was going to a hospital. I think it was the right decision in my situation. However, I regret not having researched other options like midwife clinics or maybe just other hospitals. I took for granted they would respect me and my baby at birth, because I read WHO recommendations and thought they would be widely practiced – that was naïve of me
Susana, thanks for sharing your story
As I’m single I kind of assume married women have full support of their husbands. But now that you mention, they have their own issues and a midwife or doula could be of good support to the mom.
Just visited your blog and found it so inspiring. A mama of 7 could not be anything but inspiring, right?
Hi Susanna,
Thanks for responding- nice to hear from you and envious of your UC experiences. My husband certainly has his own issues- and I do not require his anxious energy around me during birth- he is around for most of it, but when it gets harder he finds somewhere to wait. I like to imagine he is protecting the birthing room, but in reality I think it more likely he is just smoking!
I know what you mean Monica- it is important for a birthing mother to feel safe and protected- and I think with all the propoganda and misinformation regarding the reality of the safety of hospital births, then a mother could feel anxious staying at home. But it is so very important that the mother has privacy and feels deeply comfortable so that her hormones are able to do the work and she is able to get in to her instintual mammalian self. This is a rare luxury in most hospitals and birthing centres (but could alter- since some mothers do require hospital care, as you state). I plan to write more about this- but Michel Odent has done a better job than I could ever do! XXXX