Living in the modern capital city of a developing country has allowed me to see traditional moms from many indigenous cultures, as well as middle class city dwellers, very westernized families who live like in the US, and even those who hire a nanny to take care of the kids 24/7.

What I’ve Learned From Indigenous Moms

Among the indigenous mamas I’ve met, there seem to be two main trends: those who use lots of physical punishment so that the child learns to obey their parents without a second thought, but also those very relaxed who let their kids wonder around, get dirty, help with adult chores, and even explore dangerous activities.

I’ve learned from both, and I don’t mean I use physical punishment at all.

Traditional and indigenous moms who use physical punishment seem to provide their kids with lots of physical contact during their first years of life. They cosleep, practice extended breastfeeding and wear their babies until toddlerhood. When the kids are older they set very clear limits on what children can do, otherwise they get punished. This has to be with safety issues but also with household or work chores, and of course with obeying their parents. These kids seem to be very attached to their parents anyway.

I don’t endorse any kind of punishment, but I still can learn from these moms in what I consider to be a good mothering attitude: lots of physical contact and clear limits.

On the other hand, I love to meet the kind of indigenous mothers who don’t rely on punishment. The city is turning to be a bad place to meet them, but those families newly arrived keep some very relaxed attitudes. When in the countryside, the kids are allowed to do all what is safe, and even what to my eyes would not be that safe. These moms are so relaxed that they don’t care if their kids make a mess or a lot of noise. Their environment is also so flexible that a spill here or there means nothing. The kids are allowed to help and they usually are what a western mind would consider “very well behaved”.

I’d like to learn to be this relaxed and open for child messes and noise, although I still want some control over safety issues. I’m an urban mom anyways!

What about you? Do you wish you’d be more relaxed? What is the perfect balance between freedom, safety and limits?

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