Natural Familly World » Guest Posts by Emma

Giving up Lent

Monica — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 06:26:25 +0000

Guest Post by Emma Okada, Stay at home mother of a baby and a 4 year old

Here in the UK our major religion is Consumerism. I am not a Christian myself- brought up by a Christian mother and anti-religious zealot of a father, I have been Christened and was in the Girl Guides, but never “believed”. Now, my husband is Japanese and my knowledge of religions (I studied for a Comparative Religions BA) leads me to feel an affinity for Buddhism. But right now it is Lent.

When I was a child everyone knew when Shrove Tuesday was and what it signified as well as what to eat- here in England pancakes (crepe-style) with lemon and sugar- yummy. On Ash Wednesday many people would give up something for Lent. It has been many years since I gave up anything for Lent, but this year all sweets, cakes and alcohol are off the menu until Easter.

One of the main reasons for me deciding to give something up, as a non-Christian, is an attempt to become more conscious of what I am eating and when I am eating it. I have discovered that I am often bored or sad when I crave sweet food. I believe this a very powerful insight, since previously I blindly suppressed whatever feelings I was experiencing, but now I have the opportunity to look deep inside, observe my discomfort and quietly notice what other tricks I use to run from my discomfort (such as reading and singing). I have recently been reading the brilliant book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and feel inspired to strive to live more consciously in the present moment, for it is the only moment we ever live in.

I have not yet met anyone else who has given up anything for Lent. The majority of people tell me that it is a waste of time and that “life is too short” or seem surprised since I do not need to lose weight (as if that were the sole reason for healthy eating). What happened in the UK?- I suppose I could appreciate that most people are no longer practising Christians or Pagans for that matter (since eggs have little to do with the Resurrection) but that we Brits still choose to celebrate Shrove Tuesday buying ready-made pancake mix and lemon juice in plastic bottles and soon, thousands of chocolate eggs.

Rejecting the consumer culture you are currently living in and finding your own way can be tough. Bringing back a tradition, such as Lent, can act as a guide in what can sometimes seem unchartered territory.

Chicken Pox Days (& Nights)

Monica — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 05:13:37 +0000

Guest Post by Emma Okada, Stay at home mother of a baby and a 4 year old

It all began with a bit of a fever, but now they are both absolutely covered in spots- giving a sneaky preview of how they might look as unfortunate teenagers (I was a bit of an acne sufferer myself).

Neither my son nor my daughter is able to sleep very well or very easily and neither am I (not through want of trying!). They have temperatures every evening and my daughter is still contagious- having read the NHS guidelines- until all the spots come out, the blisters pop and scab over, the Varicella virus is still highly catching.

My son (4 years old) has been uncharacteristically clingy- holding on to my legs, so my husband and I have had to put him on our backs and our baby daughter on our fronts. I am finding it next to impossible to prepare dinner, since my daughter does not like being on my back or front for long when we are indoors and does not want to go to anyone else- not even for a miunute. My son sits on a little chair covered in a blanket, right next to me. My son has had no appetite for anything much other than mama’s milk.

At times like these I am grateful for breastfeeding- the only way to calm my little 7 month girl and when my son has visions in the night of “the really loud noise” – petrified by his fever-induced nightmares- I know exactly how to make him feel completely held, loved and safe- through breastfeeding. I also imagine it to be the most perfect medicine for them both- I am here, my body is experiencing exactly the same virus and I am able to produce the most appropriate, nurturing kind of milk to support their little bodies’ recoveries.

Other than breastmilk the only kinds of medicine I am using are alternative- chamomile flowers in the bath to ease the itching and the odd homeopathic remedy (Chamomilla for my clingy, teary boy), watching my diet- lot of fruit and vegetables (as usual) and nothing at all sugary for my son. Plus plenty of rest- a good excuse to lounge around, without make-up and just “be” with my children. Happy spotty days!

Who’s having this baby?

Monica — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:53:51 +0000

The Benefits of Planning for an Unassisted Birth

Guest Post by Emma Okada, Stay at home mother of a baby and a 4 year old

I remember hearing about a breech birth which ended in a baby being brain-damaged. The mother decided to try to give birth naturally in hospital, but an obstetrician would not let her birth the baby in peace and insisted on coaching her. She told her to push for very long periods, before the mother was ready to push resulting in lack of oxygen to the baby. The birth ended in a forceps delivery. The midwife was extremely rude to the mother throughout the terrible experience.

Another friend friend of mine described to me how she had nightmares following the birth of her first child because of the terrible treatment she underwent in hospital during labour. She was left alone for very long periods of time and her midwife was also dismissive of her needs.

I gave birth to both my children at home. When my son was born I waited for the midwife to arrive- not an easy thing, down on all fours with the power of Mother Nature in your body, ready to expel a baby quite ripe for meeting the world. I believed I needed her “just in case”.

Looking back I understand how my thinking has altered. I used to think that medical experts were responsible for my health, for my children’s health and obviously for the healthy (or otherwise) outcome of the birth of my child- the current blame and sue culture of Western countries.

Nowadays I see quite clearly the, sometimes uncomfortable, reality which is that all those responsibilities ultimately lie with me. I read “Unassisted Birth” by Laura Shanley, “The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth” by Laurie A. Morgan and joined an Unassisted Birth Yahoo group. It began to sink in that the outcome of my births was created by my body and my baby. A successful birth requires a mother willing to surrender to the power of birth with belief first in her own body.

I see that it is crucial to be able to choose your own birth attendants and if not (as in England with the NHS midwives) to have the clarity to ask a midwife to leave if necessary. To have a full picture of what can happen in births and what is needed to remedy difficult situations- including when you may need to transfer to hospital- is important to all pregnant women, because most Unassisted Births in the Western world are not planned. Situations such as haemorrhage after birth, the placenta not coming away, the cord wrapped around the baby’s neck.

Nowadays it seems odd to me how I viewed my body and my baby as a separate entity to me. I think I may have even asked the midwife for permission to touch my baby- I certainly thanked her endlessly, although she did nothing apart from turn up to my house and be pretty rude to me (she had no experience of homebirth). Learning how to feel myself for dilation was a revelation (and in fact quite unnecessary, since a mother knows when she is ready to push)!

There is no need to be frightened by this knowledge. If my friend had known and had the confidence in her own body to dismiss that midwife and let her baby birth the way it needed to, the outcome would surely have been different. If my other friend had known how to relish being left in peace to birth her baby she would never have felt so petrified and abandoned.

As for me, when my second baby was born I called the midwife- she was very nice and I do not imagine I shall actually undertake an Unassisted Birth since my husband does not want to be alone with me (he does not like blood) and I need someone with me some of the time- I love cuddles during birth.