Building Communication Bridges With Your Teenagers

September 17, 2009 by Monica
Filed under Parenting Traditions

I’m the mom of a presschooler, but also the older sister of a preteen and a teenager. I’ve noticed that some communication hints that work for toddlers and preschoolers do work for teens. They are living a time of transitions and discoveries of their own selves, so it shouldn’t surprise us to face similar struggles with both age groups.

It’s not always easy to improve the communication bridges with a teen but it’s important to try to get through as these years and the choices they make now will have a vital impact on their future.

Here Some Hints On How to Build Communication Bridges with Your Teens

1. Watch your body language. How you move says a lot about you. When a person is tired, they tend to slump. When angered, your jaw muscles tighten and your eyes narrow into slits. Teenagers are good at interpreting body language. Yours will betray you when you are talking to them. Keep it open and honest. Avoid sitting with your arms crossed, eyes looking away from them or squirming in your seat.

2. Make eye contact. When you don’t look at the person you are talking to it says that you are either hiding something or you are not at all interested in what they have to say. Your teenager will shut down emotionally when they suspect that you are not “tuned in” to them. Sit comfortably and give your teen undivided attention with consistent eye contact. Isn’t it the same for toddlers? …Just saying

3. Keep your emotions in check. Remember back to when you were a teenager. Some of the things you said to your parents were aimed at freaking them out. Teenagers will push your buttons if they can. Don’t go overboard and get upset. Instead be creative and do the opposite of what they expect. In fact, what they really want is you to see through their ploy and find out the real problem.

4. Ask them about their day. Even if your teen only grunts or says the obligatory, “It was okay,” ask anyway. Your show of caring will go a long way to convince them that you are interested in the things that they do and how they feel.

5. Be honest with them. If you don’t understand the situation they are talking about then say so. Kids know when you are being insincere. Discuss the situation until you get an idea of where they are coming from. Your teen won’t mind explaining as long as they know you are listening.

6. Allow them their privacy. Teens value their time alone. While the policy in your home may be that there are no locks on the doors, always show respect by knocking before entering. If they don’t want to be pressed about a situation, wait until they are ready (if it’s not urgent) and then talk about it.

Parenting a child or teenager any age takes a tough skin, a willingness to be vulnerable and lots of love. We all make mistakes, and go thru difficult times, but don’t ever stop talking.

photo credit: dougtone