No need for extra “mommy time”
June 11, 2009 by Monica
Filed under Parenting Traditions
I’ve been attentively observing some mom friends recently arrived to the city from the countryside. They’re part of an indigenous family I know for several years, and the younger sister is the mother of a toddler and a 6 years old boy.
I ‘ve always felt a bit strange among other moms with kids my age who express her desperate need for “mommy time”, meaning time away from their children. This hasn’t been a major issue for me, in spite of the fact that we’ve been together with my now 4yo boy every day of his life, almost 24 hours a day. We’ve had separations, but no more than a couple of hours, except for an occasion when we didn’t see each other for more than a day.
And I’m not tired from being with him nor desperately hoping to send him to preschool or a summer school. Kind of strange for an urban mom but not at all strange for my indigenous friend.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I’m making a mom sacrifice nor leaving my life in the hands of my son by not having time for myself. It’s that I AM having time for myself, but it happens that as my toddler follows me wherever I go, he’s around and present during my “mommy time”.
This may be difficult to understand for those who don’t know a relaxed traditional mom with her kids, like my friend, who’s not at all complaining about having to stay around her kids all day long.
I’ve found that the lifestyle difference from other urban mamas I know is that we have continued with our adult life, and that we’re not fighting against our kids to keep them away from us. I think of myself as a monkey with a tail that goes with me wherever I go. I just keep walking and have my tail coming along as a matter of fact.
It’s nice to have my toddler as a constant company and to suddenly realize that now he enjoys similar things than myself, likes the same kinds of food, and even can keep up with my fast walking rhythm.
Longing for mama time? Maybe it’s time to bring your children closer and take them along to your interesting-adult life. It works for me and for other traditional mamas I’ve met.
photo credit: Looking Glass
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This is a lovely article. I wish I knew the family you are talking about, because sometimes I feel a bit of an amateur when it comes to attachment parenting!
There was a beautiful article in The Mother magazine a few years ago about this subject by Jeanine Parvatti Baker- she does not use the term “attachment” because she says that is proper parenting- only referring to “detached” parenting
I feel the same way. I am not saying I am constantly sweetness and light- there is nothing special in my ability to be with my children constantly (the longest I have been away from my nearly 5 year old son is a day when he came to London with his Dad and I have never ever been away from my daughter of 11 months)- I resent the implication when a mother says that she is not able to stay with her children all the time when there is a discussion about homeschooling.
I am going to have an AP meeting at my house on this subject, I feel uncomfortable with the term “me-time”. My mother-in-law in Japan started using it. I think it always refers to lack- laways wanting, we are bound to suffer.
Lots of love,
Emma x
Hi Emma, I’m glad to hear from your experience, especially because you come from the “modern world”.
This is a difficult topic to discuss, and I respect other mom’s opinions and feelings regarding the need or no need to have time away from their kids. However, I believe that the most the time we spend with them, the easiest it is to integrate them to our own activities.
My 4yo is able to join me in most of my adult activities, which is a blessing for a single unschooling mama like me. This makes me not longing for adult time, since it’s in fact what I have most of the time anyways.
I see this is a cycle: the most I spend with my kid, the easiest it becomes to be with him and have his cooperation. As I know I have his cooperation, I dare to bring him to events and activities I like. As a result, we spend more time together and I can have more “me time” without the detachment part. Hope this makes sense