Single Natural Mothering- CBC With Carrie Lauth

In case you just got here, Carrie Lauth from NaturalMomsTalkRadio and I are having a Cross Blog Conversation. Here her answer to my question:

Do you think that living in another country or city would affect you so much that you would do major changes to your parenting or lifestyle?

Carrie, it seems you enjoyed Ireland a lot. I used to live in another city as a child and I’ve always loved that place. It’s really interesting how you see a place as a kid and then go back as an adult and realize it was not that wonderful as you saw with your little eyes. I’m not saying Ireland is better or worst now, just that your description of the place sounds like coming from young eyes.

I agree with you, Place has a lot of Power and environment affects our view, for sure. (Oh, just noticed I’ve read a “The Power of Place” book different to the one you mentioned). However, the source of that power is usually our own activity, (especially in the urban environment.  So I believe we have the power to modify the environment to fit our needs. And I don’t mean any physical changes, although they could be helpful sometimes. The most important in my opinion is the way we relate to the place and have an influential activity there. For instance, I do change my environment to fit my needs by homeschooling my child. He’s interacting with adults, making presence in public at school time, transforming child-unfriendly places in child-friendly places. My city is more homeschooling friendly because of our activity.
Every person is contributing to giving power to the place, but I think the more confident you’re with what you do, the more you influence the environment, so you’ll start to feel comfortable. You know, we haven’t met any homeschooling families in Quito, but I still feel comfortable with my decision and think of my city as a big source of homeschooling activities. Others might look at it as a big soccer yard or stadium (guess not few of my neighbors).
I agree with you, Scandinavia sounds like a great place to raise kids, but I’d freeze there. You should’ve seen me when I lived in Japan. You barely got to recognize my face inside the clothes…while others were wearing autumn clothes.
OK, enough comments to your answer. Now my answer to your question:

Carrie asked:
I’ve been a single mom for two years now, but it’s been your experience since becoming a mother. What do you see as your greatest challenge as a single mom, and how are you handling this challenge with grace?

This is a difficult one!
In fact I see many challenges but not a greatest one. Some things like becoming a new mother in a foreign country, far from my family, having to accomplish academic responsibilities was a great challenge at the time but it’s not anymore and most challenges have been solved or overcame after a few weeks/months.
Maybe the greatest challenge is being directly responsible for my child all day long, in every situation, since his father has always lived abroad. I mean, he doesn’t have weekend outings with dad like in other families. When I lived in Japan as a student, with no family around I’d spend all day long with my son every day, go to the library or my professor’s office, cook, etc. I had the help of a friend in some situations, but it was still only help and not shared responsibility.

I remember when my son got sick the first time when he was about 1year old. He had fever and I had no idea what to do at 3am. He kept nursing all night long and would cry if I left and I was so confused about what to do. It was nothing serious at all, but it was the first time I ever saw him sick and felt the weight of all the responsibility over my own shoulders..

I guess that’s part of what all single mothers live, but in my case (and sure other moms’ as well) it is a challenge because I can’t count on his father to come and help or suggest something on time. I believe that I can’t delegate fathering responsibility to anyone else; it’s just present or absent. I’m the mom not mom and dad. We do communicate well with his dad and have an OK-friendly relationship, and he’s a responsible man, but how can he help if he’s not around and has no clear idea of how we manage our lives?

Now, you ask how do I handle this challenge. Well, I encourage good interaction between my son and his father as much as possible and have always made clear to my son that there is mom and dad who take care of him, in different ways. I’ve challenged myself not badmouthing my son’s dad as a way to show respect to my son, even in times when I would’ve gladly share my thoughts This helps empowering the dad figure at home and my little one is clear I’m not dad or doing dad’s work.
As a Christian I believe we have one Father, who is always present and willing to help and not only to share but to take full responsibility of parenting and daily life issues. So what I do when I get into a new challenge that needs quick and insightful response is to avoid trying to solve it my way as a single powerful mom, but to share responsibility with God. How do I do this? I pray for support, calm down and assume my role of mother taking care of my son and not of the whole situation.
Empowering myself as a mother and avoiding becoming mother and father is key for me.

Now a new question for you, Carrie:

You have four kids that you homeschool while being a single work at home mother. I’ve heard from you that you’re providing full income for your family, and that’s amazing. Sure, you were already internet marketing savvy, but guess you still had to increase your daily working hours since you had to assume this responsibility. Did your kids complain about mom having to work more hours a day and how do you manage so they get enough attention and homeschooling coaching from you?

Did I say I think you’re a super mom?

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